That first week on Plenty of Fish a message from “ Luciano” popped up. His message intrigued me enough to get me to respond. After looking at his profile, determined he wasn’t a bad looking guy, plus he had the basics ( a car, a job, and a decent height) and everything else was enough, so I had no complaints. Once we began conversing, I quickly found out he is from the town I grew up in. He was able to name streets, neighborhoods, and landmarks from my city. It was crazy, I was 1800+ miles away and met someone from home. It was also comforting to be able to relate to someone rather quickly. Especially being so far away from everything I know. He was saying the right things so we decided to meet up for a date.
About 10 days after I moved to Minneapolis, my family left, finally settled in, I was going on my first date with who we will call. “Hometown Hero.”
We decided to meet up at Dave and Busters in Maple Grove, a suburb of Minneapolis, because it was a little closer to his location. I lived downtown Minneapolis and he lived in St. Cloud. St. Cloud is about an hour drive outside of the cities. He was more than willing to come to me, but I have no problem making it a little easier. It was like a 20 minute drive for me. Not really anywhere to meet in the middle, because it’s Minnesota. Literally nothing in out there.
Dave and Busters was a great location for a first date spot because it kinda takes the edge off of everyone and allows you to just have fun and see the competitive side of your partner. Competitiveness is a big turn on for me, and I gotta see if you can talk as much shit as I can. I am fluent in shit talking.
So we meet up that evening, and he is on time. He’s actually early, which put a little pressure on me to put some pep in my step. Nothing like a man that is on time! So Hometown Hero got 1 point from me.
We introduce ourselves and immediately went to the bar. Thankfully there wasn’t any awkwardness between us, and it was very natural. I order a Jameson and sprite and he ordered a shot of Hennessy. We had a few more rounds. Between rounds we talked and got to know each other a little more. He told me about his background, why he moved to Minnesota, his kids, and his job. It seemed like we talked about any and everything under the sun. I was definitely comfortable at that point and glad I that went out on the date.
When it was time to play the games I immediately started talking shit. My favorite game is any game with guns. He bought a game gard and filled it up with hundreds of credits. We played a lot of games, Hometown Hero and I probably played for like 2 hours straight. Ordered more drinks and played all the games. My kind of night. We then decide to call it quits. While we were walking out, he saw a mom with 2 kids, so he gave the mom the remaining money and the game tickets on the card. It warmed my heart that he was being that generous. Point number 2 for Hometown Hero.
We decided to go near my apartment to drop my car off, because he wanted to show me around the city a little. We dropped my car off downtown and I hopped into his car. I immediately wrote his license plate number and his name in my notes on my iphone and emailed it to my friend. JUST IN CASE! (I mean it is girl code to send your friend your location and some identifying info about the guy, either their photo, phone number, or anything else, RIGHT!? )
We drove to St. Paul (the other major city behind why the Metro area out here is called the Twin Cities) and he showed me some of his old stomping grounds. It was cute to see him light up when he is sharing these things with me. We stopped by the liquor store in St Paul and then headed over to see the Capitol building. That place is so gorgeous at night!
We ended up heading back to my house. I allowed him to come into my apartment. I know it probably wasn’t the best decision seeing as I didn’t know him AT ALL. Moreover, I am here by myself, anything could have happened, but I was just going with the flow and it didn’t feel wrong at the time.
PSA- DO NOT LET MEN INTO YOUR SPACE ON THE FIRST DATE. UNLESS YOU ARE BOUT THAT LIFE.
We dropped our stuff of at my apartment and poured some glasses of wine and headed out my building and walked across the street to the rooftop located in my apartment complexes other building. Cant beat this view!
We hung out on the rooftop, drank wine, and talked more. The conversation is good, it’s very natural. BUT then he started to tell me more about why he is single and all the baggage he has. He has 5 kids. (he initially only told me about 3 – eye roll) The mother of his children that lives near him is who he has 3 kids with. Apparently she is “crazy” and that’s why he’s been single. He says she would pop up at his job, threaten him, and push away any girl he tried to get close to. Initially, I was like, “GIRL RUN,” do not entertain any of this messy situation…you’re just getting back into the dating scene, and do not need to deal with any of this!’. RED FLAG. He lost every point I had previously gave him!!
Nevertheless, the evening continued with him telling me a lot about his life. He ended up staying at my house pretty late. We stayed up and watched movies. Once I got sleepy, it was time for him to go. And he obliged. I ended the night and made the decision to let this fish go back into the sea. He was clearly not the one for me.
Fast forward to the following months:
I did continue to talk to Hometown Hero after our first date. We would talk on the phone and through text messages. We didn’t get a chance to meet up at all during those first few months because our schedules did not match, and honestly, I was busy dating and working. He would tell me things like he really liked me, he wanted to be with me. I would literally roll my eyes while on the phone with him. He even mentioned us moving in together. Wanted me to move to a place halfway between both of our locations. FLAG ON THE PLAY. This is a big ass red flag. He told me that he is the kind of guy who wants a women in the house in the traditional role. He would want his meals ready when he arrived home and his clothes washed and folded. AND SIR THAT IS NOT ME (if that is you, no judgement, do your thang girl, this might be the man for you- I can connect ya).
So many thoughts started going through my head. “I have a career that I have worked extremely hard for. There will be some days when I have to work late and your meal won’t be cooked, shit my meal won’t be cooked either. And if you’re not my husband, I’m not washing your clothes. Are you washing my clothes? Are you having a meal cooked and ready on the table from when I come home? I work just as hard as you. I’m not here for traditional gender roles. If we in a relationship, we are partners. You got me and I got you. There is not just me doing everything. NOT TODAY SATAN.”
So I slowly walked away from that. I hear from him randomly here and there. He would call me when he is in the cities and when he was drunk and needed a place to crash before he made the drive back. I would allow him to crash. This Hometown Hero was kinda far from being a hero. We had some good times though. But back in the lake he goes.